friends?

hmm..

went to career fair today to check out the jobs that i can venture into after i graduate. still thinking if i shld do my honors not. anyway, one more yr before i really need to start thinking. work and improve on my grades first.

anyway, the main reason why i posted this entry is because i'm quite confused with the definition of friends after i enter uni. haha. i dont know who are considered as my real/close friend. hi-bye types are acquaintances? talk slightly a lil bit more = friends? talk a lot a lot a lot = good friend? hahhaa. i really dont know. it's a social construct afterall isnt it. haha.

people change in different phases of life. i have to admit that i do too. but sometimes, i really find certain changes so drastic that I actually fear and abhor them. I dont know how to treat people anymore. it seems like, whatever i do isnt sufficient. whatever i do seems wrong. whatever i do people dont appreciate. maybe i shld just stay in my own world and apply my 'whatever' mentality. maybe that will make me happier. haha.

i really wonder who are my real friends now. who are the ones who will really care and not dump me aside once they found someone else. they dont even drop me an sms to ask me how's life. how's my day. blah blah. to me, even a simple good morning msg makes a huge difference. especially when we used to be so damn bloody close. and all of a sudden, things change.

it really really irks me u know. i see how u happily join other friends, write on their walls, talk to them and all but totally ignore me? i'm very sure this feeling isnt jealousy. but anger. apparently our friendship is like nothing now. u met up with the rest but didnt inform me anything abt it. i put in all the effort and stuff. but u think im just being random. then too bad. u dont f-ing deserve anything from me anymore.

ohkay, sorry for being a lil vulgar. (:
byes.

:(

Have been feeling :( lately.

couldnt get the "ideal" timetable. so many things to do. so many things going thru my head. sigh. I dont like school. neither does sch likes me. cos' they gave me shitty tutorial slots. f-up system. :(

I need to get myself motivated agaaaaain. or it'll be like the previous sem. readings all pile up. :(
bf can only book out on saturday again this week. :( this week zoom fast fast, saturday and sunday slow slow. roar!

i need another getaway with bf. it'll be a super fun, sweet and relaxing one.
CNY in less than two weeks time. i haven gotten my new clothes yet. will get it soon.

where have all my :) gone to?

:(

why am i feeling this way

first week of school finally ended. haha. now i really get the TGIF 'feel'. hahaha. this week has been a reaaaaaaaaaaaly draggy and long one. i dont know why but this week really felt exceptionally wols. :(
anyway, it's over. haha. hmm. first week of sch just passed. went for all the lect of my mods. hmm.. i've to say, the aura of level 3000 mods' are really different. lol. i think i might just get lost in the middle of it. luckily i've my friends with me. haha. get them to bring me back. lol.

my new yr resolution is to be consistent with my readings and revision right. ok. so far. i've failed to do so. :(
its not my fault ok! every mod is as though we are only taking that mod for the whole sem! workload like crazy. they say workload per day 2hrs. i've 5 mods. then what?! one day 10 hrs? no need eat, shit, go sch, slp? i've my social life also k. roar. (wait. or is that two hrs per week. hmm.. LOL. i dont think so ah. uni where got so good life)

k. anyway. im really really really trying very hard to get everything on track. i'll pack my desk to make it super condusive and motivating. i'll clear my past sem notes to make space for this sem's notes. :D then my engine will start running. :D

hmm. these few days isnt a good one. i dont know why am i feeling this way. it reallly suck. hah. nvm. i survived thru it. bubbles accompanied me ytd. super adorable. haha. i also uds how it felt like to have a doggy ard to accompany u when u are alone and sad. haha. only saw it on tv in the past. now i really get to experience it.

ok. this week is an emo week! hopefully next week would be many many many times better.

there are lots of things that're not within my control, lots of things which i dont have the power/ability to change. i can only sit and wait and try my best to see what happen next.

nite world. sweetest dreams to all of u.

year 2 sem 2

Helloooo.

today's my first day of yr 2 sem 2. went to sch for only one lectureeee. and its a super dry one. pretty cheem also. gg liao. need to work extra hard. and the readings prof uploaded are super duper disorganised. her schedules are very weird also. all clump tgt one leh. readings also. no proper headings. just now sort out till i almost died. and ahhhh.. like nt all readings there leh. i've a lot of missing ones but i also downloaded all alrdy. TSK. whatever la. do whatever i can.

there's lots of other coursepacks and readings to buy and print from other mod also. gosh!! suffocating alrdy. :(
and its only monday! omg. like 4 more days before i can see my baby.
hurry zoom zoom to saturday ok.

actually when sch starts, i've my stuff to settle, it isnt that bad. haha. super look forward to that calll just now. and when bf called, i was busy sorting out my stuff. lol.

ok. no sch tmr. YEAH-NESS! meeting sista!
wed-fri going to sch for one lecture agaaaaaain. roar!

new sem = spend more $$$ = kill more trees.

ok. crappy post today. cos' i just typed whatever that comes into my head.
bye people. im gona try to slp early tonight!

ps: i feel very disorganized now also.

sch reopens

ROAR! sch reopens tmr. i'm gona work damn hard this coming sem. and i have a super duper strong feeling that this sem isnt an easy one at all. sigh. try to be consistent with my readings and all ah. i dont want sch to start. :(

bf book in today. miss him like crazy. booking in day suck. so every sunday is an emo day. moreover, sch's starting. so it's worse. sigh. life sucks. haha.

went USS with be on 8jan2011. super awesome day out. it's one of the best outing ever! i had hell lots of fun. like seriously. haha. the roller coaster ride. his expression before, during and after the ride. super adorable. haha. and he whispered ilu during the ride. damn sweet. that scary ride became a really sweet one. so that's like our fave part of the day. haha. the stuffs in there are really pretty too. watched shows, took other rides. really really great. and a nice full-stop to end my hol. i wanna go there agaaaain with babylove. <3 <3 <3

definitely not in the mood for sch tmr.
got to wait till saturday morning before i get to see him again. this week is going to be sucky. ;(

i shall try to slp soon.
first time didnt get to hear baby's voice tonight. sigh. nvm

goodnight world.

the time now is 1.45am

the time now is 1.45am.. i couldnt really fall asleep so i'm here blogging. haha. sucha good girl. didnt really wake bf up. (:

just now was one of the first time i ever operate the washing machine at home and hang bf's army clothes. haha. to be honest. i rarely do household chores. in fact, i only do them like during spring cleaning? haha. other than that it's just simple cleaning here and there that takes less than 10min. lol. im lazy la. hahaha.

this may sound weird, but just now i was standing infront of the washing machine trying to figure out how it works. and i find it pretty amazing. lol.

anyway, i rreally cant fall asleep. haha. so rant here a lil ok. hol's ending and it really suck. it's just like my last paper of the exam was just ytd! Roar! what have i been doing during these few weeks of my hol? hmm.. i rmb myself being sick for like 10 days. then slack at hm. go out with friends. nth exciting happened. haha. didnt travel overseas too. dont have the "fu(2) qi(4)" ah. family going Macau in feb but i cant go cos' of sch. then i'll be all alone at hm.. disgusting.

i was reallly happy to see bf again after 4 days. he's like even tanner now. seriously. haha. then he went on abt his army stuff and all. and i really listened attentively. and super happy when i know that he's improving and even being made the platoon IC. i can tell that he's adapting fast to that "new life" though it suck. and to a certain extent, he's actually loving it. haha.

but.. i kinda feel neglected. of cos i appreciate it a lot when he came over the moment he book out. then watched my fave show with me. but. i feel neglected in a sense that he doesnt really bother much abt what i've been doing when he isnt ard? haha. he didnt ask much. and when i did tell him abt all the interesting and funny things that happened when he's in camp, he doesnt really seem that interested. when i showed him the pics me and my friends took, he didnt give much reaction either. i have the "fu(1) yan(2)" feel. haha. and i dont know if he realised i started wearing contacts? he didnt even mention anything abt it. haha. guess it adds on to my ugliness. so he doesnt wanna hurt my feelings. shit. i shld just stop changing myself. argh..

maybe i think too much. and im very sure that's what he will say as well. cos i tend to assume a lot of things. but thats really how i felt. i know he's tired also la. i pardon him. i really really dont mind. thats why i didnt wake him up and start throwing tantrums (before he enlists, i'll just wake him up and start complaining why he falls a aslp so fast, nvr acc me. ops..). haha.

actually i did wake him up for a moment just now; i told him i couldnt fall asleep. then he said when i slept alone, i could fall asleep. that kinda set me thinking for a sec. lol. true ah. i guess army life changes our r/s to a certain extent. in what way, i cant seem to find words to describe it. good or bad, i guess it's both. haha. i'm very afraid things will start becoming very "whatever" cos im starting to get used to being 'alone', or rather, more 'independent'. of cos, i definitely still love my bf. but somehow i just feel that our rs is heading towards that direction. cos we all seem to have different 'focuses' in life now-- he wants to do well in army while i want to work really hard in the coming sem.

was really excited abt going to USS this coming saturday on the 8th of jan. finally maanaged to book the tix. somehow that excitement feeling is diluted now. haha. nvm. hopefully it'll be a great way to end my hol.

it's 2.03am now, i guess its night time la. thats why i think more. lol. when darkness sets in, ur mind starts to wonder and reflect upon a lot of things. haha. u get what i mean.

i'll hit the sack now. hopefully i'll fall asleep in no time. :D

misses

i miss bf so much all of a sudden.

its tuesday tmr! at least it sounds better than monday. cos' its closer to weekend and bf bookout day. :D

i want to start reading again.

ok! gona end here. bf just called!!

baby realise i have been blogging

its sunday again! and the cycle repeats itself. sigh.. but im glad now its waaaaaaaaay better. at least i dont have to wait for 14 days!! max 5 days. (:

every bookout day is like so precious. cannot afford to quarrel.

hopefully i can get to meet bf soooon. like really soon. haha. its almost a month since he enlisted. time flies. and sch's reopening soon too. sians.

but one of my new yr resolution this year is to be consistent with my studies. haha. bf in camp i must study and read up my notes everyday. everything will just get tougher and tougher, just like bf's progressive training. haha. but i kinda look forward a lil. cos i think it'll be a busy and fruitful sem.

but till now i couldnt decide on what elective. :( this sucks. ROAR.

sigh.. just now bf book in i have lots of things goin on in my head for a moment. so whole night a bit stone and emo. like having no idea what's next. haha. weakling.
i guess when sch starts, all will just get better. (:

webcaming and chatting with marla now. at least it get things off my head for awhile.

and bf just told me he reads my blog. i got a shock. i thought this would be a place for me to whine and complain and express myself without anyone knowing. haha. but he said i can just express and treat him as invisible. cos' he wanna know what im thinking thru this blog when i dont wanna tell him. haha. ok, i know u will be reading this somehow. u are being missed dearly. like now. <3

i want to be happier, healthier, stronger in 2011.
im pretty sleepy now. and bf will be waking up in 4 hrs time. shall meet him in lalaland soon.