R/S

Seems like none of my blog posts are of happy issues. Been thinking quite a bit lately about a lot of stuffs. I guess at this phase of life, it's a new turning point, with major decisions to be made. Searching for a perm job would be one of the priorities now. I don't really know what I want. All I know is, I just want a job that I can live with for at least a year. Then I'm satisfied already. Hopefully the second round of interview next week would be alright. It was really a miracle that am shortlisted again. I totally screwed everything up during the first round of the interview. *cross fingers*

Been together with bf for three years already. Lots of ups and downs. I have to say, he really gave in to me a lot. Like really a lot. And i am really grateful for that. Been doing quite a bit of thinking about us too. Especially when im into my next phase of life already. I lost my closest friend cos' of bf. 

None of us are perfect beings. Bf isn't, and I am definitely not one either. Sometimes, i really cant help but feel that I was his substitute in the past. Then maybe throughout this r/s, things changed for the better, he starts to fall deeply in love with me, and things got better. Afterall, he left me alone for a year plus before contacting me again- that is, after he broke up with his ex-gf. I really cant help but feel that way. Before that we were almost on the verge of getting together. But we stopped contacting each other all of a sudden. It was really sudden. At that point i was already in love with him. But because of the sudden lost of contact, things went the other way. I contd with my studies, dont wanna really get distracted cos' I was still in JC.
I did a few mistakes with other r/s that came along the way. That's when i realised that im still in love with him. But i know there's nth i can do cos' i found out from my other friends that he's with someone else already. I tried to get into r/s with really nice people, but we ended up hurting each other. I really regretted it. So Ive decided to just maintain the status quo and get on with my studies. That was the most important thing at that point in time.

After A'lvl, I managed to get into the course that I have been craving for in NUS. Once again, out of the blue, we started talking to each other again. That was when i realised that he broke up with his ex-gf. My heart skipped a beat when I heard that. haha. silly me. I am still in love with him. That explains the lil happiness in me. So we started going out on dates again. Then about a few months later, we got together. I was one of the happiest girls on earth. (:

I asked bf about the substitute thingy before during our heart to heart talk. He totally denied it and assured me that it wasnt the case. Honestly, I wasnt really convinced. haha. but i dint wanna bother too much. what matters most was that he's with me now. 

Now, I have completely no idea at all with the direction in which our r/s is heading towards. Wasnt that stable for the past few months. But I am still holding on to it, hoping that things would get better. Sometimes it did, but sometimes the tiredness just overwhelms everything. Ha. It really isnt easy to maintain a r/s, especially when we've been together for so long already. Sometimes, i really DGAF to whatever that's happening. 

In fact, I am not only tired of our r/s, but also people-to-people r/s in general. Friends? I've learned to depend on myself. At the end of the day, you will only have yourself. I've been through lots of that. Through all these shits, I realised that im never anybody's priority.Sometimes, the things that I've done are not appreciated at all.

I guess, I really need to learn and master the art of being independent from today onwards. Maybe I'll be a happier person by then.